Untethered
Canon 5D Mark ll, 100 macro 2.8 , 2.8 aperture, 1/100 shutter, 200 ISO
So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me ~ Audrey Assad, Show Me
This lyric from Audrey Assad could not describe the way I am feeling these days any better. There is an undercurrent of fear that I cannot seem to control. It is with me always, it seems. I am in a fight to take new steps in my life, and the fear of the unknown is endeavoring to take me out of the game. I feel like this leaf, untethered from its former place of safety, now swirling in ever changing waters. I do not know what will happen next. It is colorful and beautiful, and frightening. My prayer is for God to take me where He wants, to do as He wishes, but please, just stay with me. He has promised to, I know, but my heart just needs to say it. I need that intimate connection with Him, to know that He is ever involved in everything. I can be so stubborn. I want to know that He will stay with me even then, when I bow up and pretend to have it all under control. Will He stay then?
I am washed, nearly drowned in this current, with the brilliance of what it looks like to die to myself all around me. Dying to my own need to control opens up the doors of eternity to me. Every time I die to me, I live a little more to His life in me. And so I let the current pull me under, a little at a time. Just, please stay, God. I cannot do this alone.
Taken Under
This week I will step on a plane to go to England to see my sweet Annie. It is wonderful and frightening at the same time. It is part of this journey I am on. I have never been overseas, and I am so tied to my Chris. But God said yes, a very clear yes to go. I am going but I confess I am afraid of this too. Some will think I am crazy. That’s okay, it’s just where I am. I will go, even if I am afraid. As Joyce Meyer so eloquently says, I will “do it afraid”. Maybe that is real courage. Or so I hear, anyway. All I know is my heart tenses up just to type it out here.
I am like the little leaf. Loved by my Father, swirling in colors and life. It appears to be haphazard, this movement going this way then that. But I know. It is all well planned by my Father. He is staying with me.
If you have time give Audrey’s song “Show Me” a listen here. You will not be disappointed.
Isaiah 30:21 ~”Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Shining in the Current
6 Comments
I liked this one, momma. Not sad, just thoughtful. And beautiful images. It’s okay that you’re afraid–it’ll only make it that much more wonderful when you LOVE it here. 🙂
4 days!!
My sister MaryAnne….you have been on so many walks of faith already. This one is going to be AWESOME and GOD will be with you the whole time and all the way. Just think about the wonderful blogs you will be doing on this journey and the testimonies that will come with them. I am happy for you that you get to go overseas to see a part of the world that most of us will not get to see. And I know that your daughter, Annie, is really looking forward to showing you places and introducing you to people that are waiting to meet you! I look forward to hearing your stories when we come home for Christmas. You will be in my prayers the whole time you journey to and from. Love you so much!
It’s going to be alright. My love and prayers will be with you all the way there and back.
Mary Anne, thank you for this blog. It is me right now completely. We do not know where we are going or when, or even if. I can only trust that the LORD is with me and I know that because He says it in HIS WORD. Thank you for expressing it so very well. ♥
I love this so much. Thank you.
[…] am learning to look fear in the face and move forward. It is a process, sometimes excruciatingly slow, but I am still moving […]