Mary Anne Morgan Blog

Cowboy goes to the Park

Posted on 09. Sep, 2010 by maryanne.

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celebrating love

Posted on 11. Jul, 2010 by maryanne.

Last week Chris and I celebrated 23 years together as husband and wife. I can’t believe how quickly time has gone by. I can always count our years together by our eldest daughter’s age as she is one year younger than we are married. We got her as a surprise from our Father God. We were not planning on babies for a while. Chris didn’t have a steady job and we had no health insurance. I was planning on finishing college and he was going to school for his Masters of Divinity. God of course, had His own plans, and I am so thankful. I had moved away from most of my family. I was 21 and pregnant and newly married. Yes, I was afraid and bewildered. My pastor’s wife told me something at the time  I have never forgotten. She told me  that “God never orders anything He can’t pay for.” This and her calm resolve brought me peace and I rested in that truth on more than one occasion.  The rest, you might say, is history. We got out beautiful curly haired Katie, then our Annie, and then our John. Later, at 40, I was blessed with another surprise. I was pregnant with my fifth (the fourth lost in miscarriage much earlier) child. We ended up losing him at 16 weeks gestation. We named him Benjamin and he is forever a Morgan child.

But alas, I digress from my original story of Chris and me. We met at my sister Liza’s wedding, having been not-so-secretly set up by Liza and her husband and Chris’s best friend, Mickey. I met him the night before the wedding, July 1, 1986. We were married just a year later on July the 3rd 1987. Katie was born April of 1988. God moves quickly sometimes.

There was so much to love about this man. He was a modern day Huck Finn, so simple and yet so profound in his thinking. I found peace in those beautiful blues. I loved to hear him sing and play his guitar. He was like no one I had ever known. We got lost in conversation, talking about all things spiritual, God and who He is, about Love and what it looked like (not realizing I was falling right into it), and about anything that we felt had real value. We laughed often. Our senses of humor aligning so perfectly. We walked on railroad tracks, in the rain, and through paths in the woods not knowing where we would end up. It was an adventure. He had me and I didn’t even know it. Once again, I had my own plans, but God’s plan prevailed. So thankful.

So on this eve of our anniversary, we once again had a spontaneous adventure together. We decided to go somewhere new and eat some sushi together at Ra Sushi in Atlanta. A wonderful choice! We sat outside in the evening air and enjoyed conversation and delicious food together. A dragonfly decide to join us.

Later we went exploring, just like in the our old days. We walked the streets of Atlanta and went to Piedmont Park, stopping for some refreshment at Willy’s Mexicana Grill. The light faded into the night and the city lights began to glow. We both felt free, talking about things that mattered and laughing about things that didn’t.

On the way home, he took me to my favorite coffee place, Octane Coffee. He doesn’t drink coffee. He loves me. My cappuccino had a heart in it when I got to the bottom. “How fitting”, I thought to myself and made him hold the cup for me until I got the shot I wanted.

No matter what, my heart is his. I gave it to him 23 years ago.

Our last adventure of the night was to go for a midnight swim in our pool. We lit the twinkly lights and set up candles and torches around the pool and played some of our favorite music. I got in the pool with my camera for some of the shots, and he was patient with my photojournalistic tendencies. Then we danced in water. We didn’t talk for a long time. The cicadas sang their song. It was a good night to be married for 23 years.

His eyes are still just as blue. I still find peace there. Now that our kids are nearly grown, I hope we continue our adventures together, laughing and talking, and kissing, and dancing. He is my love.

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On asking and wishing

Posted on 07. Jul, 2010 by maryanne.

This is from a piece of artwork that was on the wall where we stayed in Colorado last week. It stopped me in my tracks on more than one occasion. I am familiar with this verse from Matthew 7: 7-8. Too familiar, I think. Some truths are spoken or read so many times that we forget their validity and value. As I pondered this idea of asking, I  began to try to ask God for things in my own life. After a few words, I stalled out. “Father, will you …?”, and then silence. My heart grew quiet and I began to question my motives. Religious voices moved in. Thoughts of what I “should” ask for trumped the gentle voice of my spirit. I quickly moved on to something else, knowing I would have to come back to this.

That very same day, in our explorations of a nearby resort, we came upon a fountain. Chris smiled at me and handed me a coin. “Make a wish”. I took the coin, not even thinking about it and faced the pool. ” I wish…”, and again, nothing. The waters in my own heart too murky to know what to ask for. I immediately connected it to the moment in front of the scripture on the wall earlier in the day.  This asking/wishing thing was getting much more complicated than it should have been. I could not merely toss in a coin and breathe out desires at the same time. It seemed too much was at stake.

I think. Hmm, I think. ( too much). God cares for our hearts, our desires. We however, are in the business of trying to please Him. How much joy does it bring us to give to our own children? What if one of my kids came up to me and said, “Mom, I really would like some lunch, but I realize you are so busy and that bread costs a lot, and there are so many people in the earth that are hungry. So Mom, could we forget my original question and sit and pray for those who are hungry?” Kind of ridiculous. My heart would leap at being able to meet a need or a desire of one of my kids. They don’t have to think through it for me first. I am the mom. Yet, we do this to God all the time. We steal His pleasure by being over-religious. We decide for Him what is acceptable for us to have, rather than just throwing it out there. Why?

• Asking requires risk. What if we put it out there and God tells us no? What if we reveal our hearts and God ignores us?  What if we search our hearts and don’t find anything worthwhile there?
• Asking requires that we know our own hearts. Most of us don’t know what we really want. This requires time. Time alone with God, the Holy Spirit who searches and knows the hearts of us all. We have to allow the silence to reveal the desires that move through the hallways of our inmost being. I believe God places those desires there like hidden treasure, just so He can leap at the chance to meet them when we surrender them up to  His Holy Hands. He is our greatest advocate and lover of our souls.
• Asking requires us to relinquish control. When we choose to let go of the reigns of our lives and ask God for help, joy, relief, that new pair of shoes or whatever it is our hearts desire, we admit that we cannot do it alone. We admit that only He can satisfy us. That He will bring rest to our restlessness and discontent if we risk it all and breathe out our inquiries, and toss the coin.

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” ~ Psalm 16:11

Tossing my coin soon…

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Corner Space Help!

Posted on 05. Jun, 2010 by maryanne.

When we built our house in 1999, we had this bookshelf built with the corner space created for a tv screen. We never put one there. We had a nice family area in the basement and decided we wanted that to be our media room. Ten years later, we still have no tv in that space. I don’t want one in this room, and I have tried everything I can think of to fill the space, but nothing looks good there. I was motivated to try again when we got a new furniture last week. The space is 29 inches wide and 36 inches high, but the back of the space is very deep and widens it goes back. I would love some sort of creative lighting or color in there, but nothing seems to fit just right. Anyone have suggestions on what to do with this space? I want to do something simple but creative, and with some light! Here are is a closer picture of the same space. The hole in the back leads to an electrical outlet in the bottom.  I would also like to get more creative ( and less cluttered) with my bookshelf. ( Maybe a little Pottery Barn-ish with some baskets?) Would love to hear any suggestions!

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Bad Eggs

Posted on 05. May, 2010 by maryanne.

Recently I found nearly two cartons of eggs in my refrigerator that were past their expiration date. After having stomach issues with bad bacteria, I don’t play around with the possibility of bad food, as much as it pains my husband to throw food away. I told Katie we were going to throw them out and left the kitchen. When I returned a few moments later, she had a sharpie out, labeling them. She was marking them with the things she wanted to throw out of her life. I loved the idea and joined her. Soon after, Chris joined in the activity. Frankly, there weren’t enough eggs to symbolize all of these undesirables, but we hit the highlights including: fear, guilt, condemnation, anxiety and pain. You know, the big ones. Then we took them out back and threw them into the woods, listening for a splat as they hit the trees. (Many of mine were duds, as I am not much of an athlete).
I loved this activity. We all have things we don’t want in our lives, and every day we endeavor to “work out our salvation” (Philippians 2:12 NIV) as we allow God to redeem and heal the difficult places in our hearts. Knowing God does not mean that our lives are instantly transformed into pure bliss. It does mean that we do not have to go it alone, as we have an Advocate in the Creator of all things to partner with us. He heals and makes all things new as He walks with us and fills us with Himself. It is a process. Sometimes just knowing that makes life doable. We are in process, but in the Hands of our Maker. ” Know that the Lord Himself is God; it is He who made us, and not we ourselves”.( Psalm 100:3 NAS). That takes the pressure off.
I think He stood there with us as we threw those bad eggs into the darkness. He may have thrown a few Himself. Pretty sure His made a splat.
Guess I need to go to the store now…

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Favorite photo of the week 2

Posted on 20. Apr, 2010 by maryanne.

I love this photo of my Annie. She will be twenty this week. Although this photo was just taken last year atop our horse Jackie, you can still see the little girl in her. My little girl. The little girl that loves to come home and ride horses, sit and read on the porch swing, dance in the kitchen and make me laugh. Annie. Only one.

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A cup of violets

Posted on 30. Mar, 2010 by maryanne.

Another busy week in my world. Most of it spent at the computer, quoting jobs and processing photos. Then, out of nowhere, comes today. Sunshine and flowers everywhere. It was like a dear friend coming up from behind and putting their hands over my eyes, saying “guess who?”. Spring, that’s who. The cherry trees are in full bloom, the sky is a bit more blue, and the sheep have little lambs in the pasture next door. Then, there are the violets. I love violets, even though they tend to grow where I don’t want them. They remind me of my childhood and every Spring from then on. When Johnny and I came home from lunch, I saw them. The ground was covered in them. I had several things to do, but knew instinctively they would all have to wait. So, I played all afternoon. In the violets.
It was like playing hooky on a school day. I picked them, arranged them in beautiful china cups and gazed at them through my different lenses. Guess who? Spring, that’s who. Welcome home sweet friend. Here are some images from the day. I found some other sweet visitors as well.

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Creating a Place of Rest

Posted on 17. Mar, 2010 by maryanne.

My own words rang in my ears after I answered the somewhat obtuse saleswoman in Macy’s this evening. She had asked if she could help me with anything. I had been standing hypnotically in the bedding section comparing the colors in the image on my iphone with the colors on the various quilts and comforters. I awoke out of my trance and quickly answered, ” I am just looking for a comforter”, and reached again for my iphone to show her the image. She, however, had ignored me and moved on to other things. I really was seeking help, but she was apparently just reciting the line she must say hundreds of times a day, not really expecting to have someone need her.  The space in time and the silence that followed allowed me to ponder my answer. ” I am just looking for a comforter”. I laughed out loud. Not “ha ha” funny. Ironic funny. I was looking for a comforter. I was looking for comfort. She had been no comfort at all.

This has been a very hard week for me for various reasons, and I found myself  wandering around looking for the perfect bed covering for my bedroom. I have been doing this for months. Piece by piece, (remember the jewelry endeavor?) I am trying to create a place of order and solace in my bedroom, and eventually, my home. I want it to be a sanctuary where I can rest, journal, seek God, read, and just be with my husband.(oh, and dance!) A place of peace and safety.

I actually started the process several months ago by taking everything down from the walls. The only thing I have up is a canvas above my bed of the image above. It looks like a window above our bed with an eternal scene from autumn outside.  I love the colors in that canvas. I call the image “Fall Kaleidoscope”. It is my work and it brings me joy and peace to have it there. Now, for the rest of the room. I don’t know where to start, whether it be a beautiful comforter or the wall color. (I would love suggestions!) SO many colors!

Still seeking comfort in my surroundings, in my soul, and in my spirit. I am reminded of a Scripture from Psalm 62 while I pursue this journey:

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him”.  May it be so.

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We did it :)

Posted on 08. Mar, 2010 by maryanne.

There has been so much going on in my world just in the past week, but I would be negligent if I did not blog the result of  ”Operation Jewelry Organization”. My fabulous mom came out last week and we spent four hours taking a mass of necklaces, earrings, rings, pins, bracelets and anklets and putting them all in their proper place. The results are fabulous! I not only thoroughly enjoyed spending quality time with my mom, but I got the benefit of having a clean and clear dresser top. I can now freely pass by it without hearing mean comments about myself, and I even hear an audible sigh of relief every now and then. I promised myself when she came out that I would ONLY focus on the jewelry that day. I am glad I did. One step at a time. (I am pretty sure my closet is next).

Mom and I spent time reminiscing about old pieces and laughing about pieces I have kept just for sentimental reasons, all the while both agreeing that they were, mmm, how should I say? Unsightly. “Um,” she would say every now and then,” I think I would throw that away”. And we both would laugh out loud. So cleansing to have your mom’s approval to throw something away!  It was good on so many levels. We ended up with a pretty good size bag of things to take to the jewelry swap at her church as well.

I am truly beginning to see that organizing your world around you is a way to love yourself. I cannot explain that fully, and those that are already organized are probably nodding their heads in agreement. Those of us that struggle in this area often feel defeated. I am so thankful for my mom who was willing to the time to help me, while putting aside all judgement or critical statements. I feel loved every time I walk past my dresser now. I can now display the things that matter to me most, like the anniversary heart Chris gave me. Thanks mom.

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A Piece of Faraway

Posted on 16. Feb, 2010 by maryanne.

We don’t get much snow here in Georgia. Last year we got one day’s worth, and it was so magical. I felt like a little girl on that day. Then, as if someone shook the etch a sketch, it was all gone the very next day. We have had some false alarms this year, so when the weather man said it would snow on Friday, I was more than a little cynical (mostly because I wanted it so badly). However, much to my surprise, we got a great snowfall, and enough to play in too. It was a wonderful Valentine weekend surprise.

I took some photos while it was snowing on Friday afternoon, and then again Saturday morning when the sky was cerulean blue. I found my heart overwhelmed by the dramatic scenery. I asked God to help me to capture it if possible, but more than that, to breathe it in and enjoy it. I have often felt jealous of other photographers who get to travel and photograph beautiful scenery in faraway places. To quote photography icon and author Joe McNally from his book The Moment it Clicks,  ” If you want to be a better photographer, stand in front of more interesting stuff “. I love that quote. The bottom line is that capturing God’s creation is at the center of my joy in photography, and I want to see more!

However, I felt thankful Saturday morning as I walked in the glory, that I had not (up until this present time) been a world traveler. I found my heart could not contain the splendor I found in my own backyard. I felt so small and incompetent as I fumbled through my bag, disapproving of each of my lens choices as soon as I placed them on the camera body.   It was a humbling experience, as I once again offered up my heart, and my camera to God,  and I laid down my need to perform for the approval of others. That is something we artists have to do on a daily, or even hourly basis. Anyway, this is what came of my time in the glory. Thankful for my own piece of  ”faraway” that God gave me this weekend just out my back door.

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