Emerging

The hillside in my pasture is covered in yellow blooms. They don’t know they are a bit early. The warmth of the sun is calling them, drawing them from their earthen slumber. I hike out to where they are and fall into them, desiring their cheerful companionship.

This hasn’t been the beginning I had hoped for in the year 2012. My 365 project was a thrilling ride full of exciting days and new friends. So far, 2012 has not been that way. In November  I felt like I heard God speak something to me. I had been out shopping with my mom for my birthday and I came in the door with packages in both hands. ( My mom is so generous.) I was wondering where to put my new things when I heard a small voice inside saying, “It’s time to get your house in order.” I recognized the familiar voice of  my God. I just didn’t like what He was saying. It was time to deal with the old before I could embrace the new. This wasn’t just  about the new shoes she bought me, either. It was about everything. Everything. Resistance came quickly to the surface. How could I do that?

Time to Work

I have been doing my best to follow through  on that prompt since the beginning of the year. I know it is important to follow through on the last thing He told me before I can ask Him for more instruction. There are some great books out there that pertain to this topic. I now have three on my beside table. I carry them with me everywhere. My favorite is probably Organized Simplicity by  Tsh Oxenreider. But, the bottom line is I still have to roll up my sleeves and partner with God in the work He wants to do in my life.

Now most days you can find me in the middle of  a dust cloud as I sort through the details of my life. It is good, and God is teaching me much. Humility seems to come with handling and sorting through the filth and clutter of my life. I am seeing where I have been, and where I don’t want to be. This helps me to develop a vision for where I want to go. It is amazing how physical things represent spiritual realities. Every time I make room in another space in my house, my spirit breathes a little more deeply. I don’t like doing it, but I am trusting God has a plan, and I can already feel the benefits of my continued obedience.

Finding Treasures

I still need to get out in the sunshine every now and then and see the glory through my lens. I find God there. He is with me in the mess and the beauty.

As I sit amidst the jonquils, I count my blessings. I am grateful for the simplicity life is taking on these days. Although I miss the excitement of the last year, I am thankful to be in the center of the will of my Father. Peace is far more valuable than popularity. I study the delicate yellow blossoms and I am drawn to those that are still emerging. They are a picture of both the pain of transformation and the beauty of redemption. Elegant petals strain to be free of their outer skin, and slowly open to the sun that draws them forth.

I want to be like the jonquils. I want to come forth and shine too.

Shedding Her Skin

Hope in Yellow

At Last

Perfect in my Pocket

Farm Aprons

Work Brings Joy

Gathered

Psalm 16: 5,6  ”LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”

There has been so much going on in my world just in the past week, but I would be negligent if I did not blog the result of  ”Operation Jewelry Organization”. My fabulous mom came out last week and we spent four hours taking a mass of necklaces, earrings, rings, pins, bracelets and anklets and putting them all in their proper place. The results are fabulous! I not only thoroughly enjoyed spending quality time with my mom, but I got the benefit of having a clean and clear dresser top. I can now freely pass by it without hearing mean comments about myself, and I even hear an audible sigh of relief every now and then. I promised myself when she came out that I would ONLY focus on the jewelry that day. I am glad I did. One step at a time. (I am pretty sure my closet is next).

Mom and I spent time reminiscing about old pieces and laughing about pieces I have kept just for sentimental reasons, all the while both agreeing that they were, mmm, how should I say? Unsightly. “Um,” she would say every now and then,” I think I would throw that away”. And we both would laugh out loud. So cleansing to have your mom’s approval to throw something away!  It was good on so many levels. We ended up with a pretty good size bag of things to take to the jewelry swap at her church as well.

I am truly beginning to see that organizing your world around you is a way to love yourself. I cannot explain that fully, and those that are already organized are probably nodding their heads in agreement. Those of us that struggle in this area often feel defeated. I am so thankful for my mom who was willing to the time to help me, while putting aside all judgement or critical statements. I feel loved every time I walk past my dresser now. I can now display the things that matter to me most, like the anniversary heart Chris gave me. Thanks mom.

No, I didn’t find a treasure chest buried on my farm, even though this looks like the classic pirate’s booty you see in adventure movies. This.. is my dresser top. Okay, before you start making all kinds of rash (but probably true) judgements about me and my lack of orderliness, just know that it doesn’t always look this bad.

You see, my dresser top is a source of contention for me, every day. Every day of my life, I walk past that dresser top with things strewn everywhere. Usually it is the jewelry items I have worn in the past week (or month), my camera, picture frames that I hate but still keep, a spool of thread and a needle for mending buttons, important receipts, props from my last shoot, and dust, oh the dust. My heart cringes every time I see it, no matter what form it is in, and I think a few not-so-nice things about myself and go on with my day, feeling defeated before I have even started. Organization is my weakest character quality, and it is especially hard when I grew up with a super organized mother and sister. My artistic flair took me in other directions, and most of my life, I have dreaded even trying for fear of failure.
So, last night, I took every single item out of my jewelry box and drawers and decided to start there. I don’t think I have thrown one item of jewelry away since I was a little girl. It was actually a very nostalgic experience looking at things that were my mother’s or grandmother’s. It was also a little like Christmas seeing things I had packed away (for lack of knowing what to do with them), that I had forgotten I had. About two hours later, ( yes, two hours) this is what I had for a dresser top.

It was actually worse than this, but this is as vulnerable as I can get right now, okay? Immediately I did what any normal girl would do. I called my mother. “I need your help” I pleaded. Before I got two sentences in, she had devised a plan and a day to implement it. That’s my wonderful mom to the rescue! “Just leave it all on top like that”, she said, ” and we will have a fun day putting it all where it is supposed to go”. She even had a plan for the unwanted pieces with a church swap that is coming up for the ladies.

I will let you know how it goes! I think this is the beginning of a whole new world for me. Starting with my dresser top.