Dripping in Diamonds

When I awoke this morning, the woods outside my kitchen window were sparkling, as if they had been showered in diamonds. My heart began to race. It’s been over a week now since I sent both of my camera bodies away to be repaired. After a solid year of shooting every day, I felt like I was in a drought. A kind friend loaned me a camera this week but when I picked it up, the battery was dead. While rummaging through my camera box  for another battery, I found my old Canon Rebel XT. A sight for sore eyes. I picked it up and it fit into my hand, like an old friend. I slipped on my green rain boots, neglecting to change out of my plaid flannel pajamas. I was a sight I am sure, purple and pink plaid with tall lime green boots, practically sprinting into the woods.

I knelt down trembling, hovering over the dewy earth. This was a visual feast, and I had been given a seat at the table. It was if God  himself was extending a personal invitation to me. “Come, eat.”  Hmmm, yes.

The morning sun met yesterday’s rain, still clinging to webs and blades of green. With my knees cold and wet, the briars tugging at my clothes and hair, I remembered. This is where it all began for me. This is where I first felt my heart beating nearly out of my chest. This is where I marveled at the glory, the detail, the splendor, in a whole new way. Every artist knows it well. That moment when you know you have to be part of something or you just might die. I knew then that I wanted to be part of capturing the glory. I wanted to put it in my pocket, saving it to show others and bring them along. “Look at this!” I want to say to everyone I meet. “Look at what creator God can do.” He spills out diamonds after the rain so we can remember that hope is always a morning away.

New Mercies Gleaming

I sympathize with David, who danced in his ephod in front of everyone. He had to worship, discarding anything that might hold him back. His own wife thought he was mad. I wonder if I am too sometimes. Walking around the woods in my pajamas and rain boots is not a new thing for me. (okay, I do it a lot)  I often forget myself when I see the beauty through my lens. It is worship for me as well. I see the attributes of God through creation, and hear his voice when I am in this place of awe. I am also humbled by creation which often worships him much more appropriately than I do. Everywhere I look, I see nature pointing back toward him. This earth knows its maker, and longs for all to be made new. Flowers, trees, grass, they all strain upward into his light and warmth. I feel this resonating in me as I walk, crawl and climb to catch a glimpse of his glory through my lens. I too long to gather his robe in my hands, to see his glory passing by.

I do not think it is a coincidence that I found my XT today, a camera I previously would have thought useless to me. I see God’s provision more clearly now through simplicity, after going without my bigger cameras for awhile. I don’t always have to have everything I think I need. God alone is my source, and I am incredibly grateful that He reminded me of that today when He took me back to the beginning.

Psalm 136:4-9 ~ “Thank the miracle-working God, His love never quits. The God whose skill formed the cosmos, His love never quits. The God who laid out earth on ocean foundations, His love never quits. The God who filled the skies with light, His love never quits. The sun to watch over the day, His love never quits. Moon and stars as guardians of the night, His love never quits. ” (Message Version)

Hope Gathers

Cupping Mercy

Refreshment

Colors and Intricacy

Working Her Magic

Pearls Suspended

In Worship

Sparkling Evergreen

Peaceful Surrender

Dancing

Holy

Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 1.2L, 1.4 aperture, 1/250 shutter, 800 ISO

When you go to seek God, may you find that He is so much bigger, so much more powerful than you could ever have imagined. When you meet the Holy One, may you be filled with awe, so much so, that words flee away and knees buckle in His presence. It is in that place that hearts are laid out as the only appropriate offering.

This is a God worthy of serving, a God worthy of giving your life for. This is a God who is worthy. And in His goodness, His greatness, may you finally rest. He is God.

Psalm 23:4 ~ “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,  for you are with me; your rod and your staff,  they comfort me.”

Psalm 91 :4 ~”He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”

Remember

Round and Round

Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 1.2L, 2.8 aperture, 1/30 shutter, 320 ISO. One ride on the Carousel. Dragged the shutter for some motion blur.

Sometimes I just want it to stop, the busyness of this life. Wishing this will not make it happen, and even if it could, it wouldn’t make life any less stressful. No, I think the key is finding peace inside the storm. Breathing when we are squeezed the tightest.

I am learning this daily.

Yes, there is an event this weekend, and after that people to have over for dinner, a project is due, and I have clients coming on Saturday that I am not prepared for, etc. This is real life. It is our lives. However, there are a string of right now moments that are going to carry me to those other events. And when those events are here, there will be right now moments in the middle of them as well.

Here is the good news: God is the I AM. He calls Himself that in scripture repeatedly. That means He is right now. If He is right now, then He is present in this very moment to help you, to carry you, to provide for you, to help you breathe, to have relationship with you, to give you joy. He is, and He will.

I can breathe just thinking about it. In this very moment. So not another moment waisted on worry. If we are are always regretting the past, or worrying about the future, how we will find the Great I AM who is in our right now?

The I Am, God, is here and He is riding this colorful pony with me.  Can we ride again?

Exodus 3: 13,14 ~ “Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?”. God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.”

Psalm 46 :1 ~ “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

Carousel Hooves

Faster

This is from a piece of artwork that was on the wall where we stayed in Colorado last week. It stopped me in my tracks on more than one occasion. I am familiar with this verse from Matthew 7: 7-8. Too familiar, I think. Some truths are spoken or read so many times that we forget their validity and value. As I pondered this idea of asking, I  began to try to ask God for things in my own life. After a few words, I stalled out. “Father, will you …?”, and then silence. My heart grew quiet and I began to question my motives. Religious voices moved in. Thoughts of what I “should” ask for trumped the gentle voice of my spirit. I quickly moved on to something else, knowing I would have to come back to this.

That very same day, in our explorations of a nearby resort, we came upon a fountain. Chris smiled at me and handed me a coin. “Make a wish”. I took the coin, not even thinking about it and faced the pool. ” I wish…”, and again, nothing. The waters in my own heart too murky to know what to ask for. I immediately connected it to the moment in front of the scripture on the wall earlier in the day.  This asking/wishing thing was getting much more complicated than it should have been. I could not merely toss in a coin and breathe out desires at the same time. It seemed too much was at stake.

I think. Hmm, I think. ( too much). God cares for our hearts, our desires. We however, are in the business of trying to please Him. How much joy does it bring us to give to our own children? What if one of my kids came up to me and said, “Mom, I really would like some lunch, but I realize you are so busy and that bread costs a lot, and there are so many people in the earth that are hungry. So Mom, could we forget my original question and sit and pray for those who are hungry?” Kind of ridiculous. My heart would leap at being able to meet a need or a desire of one of my kids. They don’t have to think through it for me first. I am the mom. Yet, we do this to God all the time. We steal His pleasure by being over-religious. We decide for Him what is acceptable for us to have, rather than just throwing it out there. Why?

• Asking requires risk. What if we put it out there and God tells us no? What if we reveal our hearts and God ignores us?  What if we search our hearts and don’t find anything worthwhile there?
• Asking requires that we know our own hearts. Most of us don’t know what we really want. This requires time. Time alone with God, the Holy Spirit who searches and knows the hearts of us all. We have to allow the silence to reveal the desires that move through the hallways of our inmost being. I believe God places those desires there like hidden treasure, just so He can leap at the chance to meet them when we surrender them up to  His Holy Hands. He is our greatest advocate and lover of our souls.
• Asking requires us to relinquish control. When we choose to let go of the reigns of our lives and ask God for help, joy, relief, that new pair of shoes or whatever it is our hearts desire, we admit that we cannot do it alone. We admit that only He can satisfy us. That He will bring rest to our restlessness and discontent if we risk it all and breathe out our inquiries, and toss the coin.

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” ~ Psalm 16:11

Tossing my coin soon…

Recently I found nearly two cartons of eggs in my refrigerator that were past their expiration date. After having stomach issues with bad bacteria, I don’t play around with the possibility of bad food, as much as it pains my husband to throw food away. I told Katie we were going to throw them out and left the kitchen. When I returned a few moments later, she had a sharpie out, labeling them. She was marking them with the things she wanted to throw out of her life. I loved the idea and joined her. Soon after, Chris joined in the activity. Frankly, there weren’t enough eggs to symbolize all of these undesirables, but we hit the highlights including: fear, guilt, condemnation, anxiety and pain. You know, the big ones. Then we took them out back and threw them into the woods, listening for a splat as they hit the trees. (Many of mine were duds, as I am not much of an athlete).
I loved this activity. We all have things we don’t want in our lives, and every day we endeavor to “work out our salvation” (Philippians 2:12 NIV) as we allow God to redeem and heal the difficult places in our hearts. Knowing God does not mean that our lives are instantly transformed into pure bliss. It does mean that we do not have to go it alone, as we have an advocate in the creator of all things to partner with us. He heals and makes all things new as He walks with us and fills us with Himself. It is a process. Sometimes just knowing that makes life doable. We are in process, but in the hands of our Maker. ” Know that the Lord Himself is God; it is He who made us, and not we ourselves”.( Psalm 100:3 NAS). That takes the pressure off.
I think He stood there with us as we threw those bad eggs into the darkness. He may have thrown a few Himself. Pretty sure His made a splat.
Guess I need to go to the store now…

It rained here all day on Tuesday. I mean rained. It was a down kind of day and I felt in a fog myself, so blah and numb in my spirit. I worked processing  photos all day and went to bed just tired to my core. When I awoke yesterday, it was as if someone had turned on a light switch. I walked outside as the sun was just coming through the trees and could hear the previous day’s rain dripping from the trees. It was like grief was dripping off the leaves to reveal the brilliance of light and hope. There is something so magical that happens when water and light meet.  I immediately put on my boots, grabbed my camera and two lenses, and headed down to the back pasture. It was like coming home. This is how I  spent so many of my mornings in my early journey with photography, talking to God and capturing His glory, as best I could, with my camera. I could feel my spirit breathing and my heart enlarging as I talked with my Creator, telling Him how much I loved  the goodness of His creation. He is so unique in how He does things. Amazing how many minute details show up early in the morning as the dew is still clinging to them. Even the little spider webs were visible. Our God is such a God of details.

Yeah, like coming home. It reminds me of this scripture ” weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” ~Psalm 30:5

I hope you enjoy the bits of glory that I was able to capture~

I admit it. Things have been tough lately. My son has been very sick for several weeks, first with a major colon infection for which he was hopitalized, and now with the flu. In addition, I have been sick for over a week with stomach issues, and it’s beginning to get to me.  Today, I felt so bad, had a sick child at home and it was unbelievably beautiful outside. The juxtaposition of  the brilliant sunshine and the gloomy indoors felt so frustrating to my artist’s heart.

Also, like most artists, I struggle with measuring my life by my accomplishments. When I am forced to slow down, ( and I continue to read every one else’s busy and exciting tweets), I  often feel depressed. Anyone? Anyone at all? Hmm, I don’t think I’m alone on this one.

Anyway, while I was crying on the phone to my husband today, he encouraged me to get outside. I hesitantly took his advice. My three dogs, (also depressed I think), happily accompanied me to the back pasture where the sun was setting.

There, I found God. Why am I always so surprised to find Him in nature? He speaks through the setting sun, the flare on my lens, the playfulness of my dogs as they run circles around me, the strong oak tree that stretches over the path. It felt like He was whispering to me consistently, “p.s. I love you”. I needed to hear that so badly. Remembering that I had a pin at home saying just that, I decided to place it in key places that I felt God’s presence, and photograph it there, so I could remember. Yes, He loves me. I am so thankful. He loves you too.