365 project 2016

Day 88 Fragile

March 31, 2016
Fragile

Fragile

See this little dandelion, half torn, half scattered? It can feel like this, walking through grief. It can be such a delicate, tenuous process.

In a moment I can be undone. My insides show through to the outside, revealing the brokenness within.

I admit I often try to fly above the pain. I don’t want to think about her gone. I push the memories of her last hours with us away. I forgive the hospital staff again for overlooking her condition and neglecting her. I forgive myself for not doing something about it. I hush my heart when it cries for her voice on the other end of the phone. Oh the ache.

Shhhhh, she’s gone.

But I can’t hush it away. I have to allow the winds of grief to come and blow through. My broken pieces cannot hold onto the stem any longer. And so I fall into the wind and I weep. It’s okay to cry you know? It’s okay to hurt. Love is worth the pain of a broken heart. My mama is worth every tear and my God bottles them, one by one. Yes, let the tears go.

Every tear is a seed that will someday bear the fruit of joy. Think of that. That is the stuff the kingdom of God is made of. Redemption.

Psalm 126:5,6 ~”Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”

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1 Comment

  • Reply CarolS. April 1, 2016 at 5:44 am

    If I were THERE with you I’d give you a HUG to help the tears flow. Praying for you.

    HUG.
    -Carol

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