When it comes to grief, some days are just more difficult to navigate. I woke up with a heaviness draped around me like a blanket. I wasn’t feeling well anyway and frankly, I wanted my mama.
I miss her chirpy voice. I miss how glad she always was to hear mine. I don’t think I will ever delete the icon on my favorites list that says mom’s cell. I want so badly for her to be on the other end of the line. I can still hear the way she would enter my home. “Mary? Are you here?” Yes mom, I am here. I wish you were. But I don’t. I get it and I am so grateful- she is with the Lord. She is free from pain. I wouldn’t take those things from her now.
I just miss her. My heart feels tired and I am finding out the importance of being gracious and kind to myself. It’s okay that it is hard. She was/is my mama and now she is gone. There is no exact recipe for the grieving process. I must just daily give my heart to the Lord as it is and ask him to meet me.
So, with these things in mind, I asked my Annie if she would help me with a photo for today. I needed some joy. She sweetly agreed and we headed outside into the cold with a bag of confetti. We headed to the top of the hill chasing the last sunlight of the day. I filled her hands with tiny hearts and then she joyfully blew them out into the world. Moments later, the ground around our feet was covered in little bitty hearts. We both smiled at the sight of it.
Sometimes you have to make your own party.
When we returned home to our warm kitchen she hugged me and told me it was okay to cry. Sometimes you just need permission? I don’t know why. Crying is also a way to lighten the heart.
All in all, I am grateful.
God is near and kind. Daughters are a gift and there is love scattered at my feet.
Psalm 126:6 ~”Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”