Without You
Remember those red chenille pillows you bought me from Pottery Barn, Mama? The puppy shredded them. And although I didn’t want to go without you, I went back to Pottery Barn today to find new covers for those pillows. It took everything I had to walk through those doors without you. It was a place we loved.
I didn’t mean to, but I saw you there. You were waiting for me like you always did. You saw me from a distance and had that smile on your face when you saw me. I could see your brightened eyes. How I miss that. How I miss knowing that you were so glad to see me. Are you waiting for me like that now mama? I hate to admit it but I wept all through the mall. The poor lady in Pottery Barn didn’t know what to say. She recognized me from one of our visits. I could hardly speak. The words came out in choked syllables.
I bought two new yellow pillow covers to replace the red ones, Mama. Do you think that will look nice with the blue sofa? Oh how I miss asking you these things. These things that I asked you everyday. Where should I get my area rugs cleaned mom? Which jewelry repair shop is the best? What is a good price for a nice set of sheets? You knew how to do everything.
It is written that our Lord was well acquainted with grief. He was a man of many sorrows. Surely it is okay to be sad if Jesus himself was sad. I am so grateful I have a high priest who has gone before me in these things. He knows pain and sorrow. He gave his life to make all things new. This is the hope that I cling to as I make my way through the path of grief. I really don’t know how to do this, but he will help me. He knows how.
I believe that Father God is also straining his eyes to see if I am coming around the corner. How he loves us. And while I am temporarily without you Mama, I am never alone. He is with me.
To be continued as I journey this path.
Love you Mama.
Psalm 91:4 ~”He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”
12 Comments
From Isaiah 57, “I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far,” says the Lord, who heals them.”
….And blue and yellow do go so nicely together:o)
Thank you Krista <3
I’m teary-eyed with you now. Yes, they’ll go well together. And every time you see the pillows you’ll remember this particular event of your grief-growth. (That’s a new phrase for me as God just gave it to me as I wondered what to type. I like it. I’m there also).
Praying for you. Hugs.
p.s.- HE has fulfilled Isa. 57 (the quoted verse above) in you. You are grieving. HE is comforting. You are praising HIM! Glorious!!! :0
Thank you Carol. May the Lord meet you in your grief-growth as well <3
You are teaching me to enjoy my own mama while I have her. Praying for you.
Hi Erika, so glad to be part of that.
You make me weep for my own Mother as I weep for your sorrow at the loss of your Mama. I know this feeling all to well.
God bless you MaryAnne.
Tracey, so sorry you are hurting also. Mom’s are so special. We only get one.
Tears running down my face as I read. Thank you for sharing your heart.
I miss my son in these same ways. We shared such a love of art and colour. The first time I walked into an art store after Brandon stepped in to heaven I slid down the wall and wept. I felt so sorry for the clerk as she handled me gobs of tissue. Now almost 3 years has passed and I can gently touch the art supplies and it doesn’t cause physical pain. We serve such a gentle God. He never fails to bring new mercies daily! Great is His faithfulness!
Julie, I have no words. What heartache. So grateful God is with you. ❤️
your missing…i get it and i am so so sorry. xox
This almost brought me to tears I can relate to this I lost my mom 2 years ago and I miss her so much.