Dripping in Diamonds

When I awoke this morning, the woods outside my kitchen window were sparkling, as if they had been showered in diamonds. My heart began to race. It’s been over a week now since I sent both of my camera bodies away to be repaired. After a solid year of shooting every day, I felt like I was in a drought. A kind friend loaned me a camera this week but when I picked it up, the battery was dead. While rummaging through my camera box  for another battery, I found my old Canon Rebel XT. A sight for sore eyes. I picked it up and it fit into my hand, like an old friend. I slipped on my green rain boots, neglecting to change out of my plaid flannel pajamas. I was a sight I am sure, purple and pink plaid with tall lime green boots, practically sprinting into the woods.

I knelt down trembling, hovering over the dewy earth. This was a visual feast, and I had been given a seat at the table. It was if God  himself was extending a personal invitation to me. “Come, eat.”  Hmmm, yes.

The morning sun met yesterday’s rain, still clinging to webs and blades of green. With my knees cold and wet, the briars tugging at my clothes and hair, I remembered. This is where it all began for me. This is where I first felt my heart beating nearly out of my chest. This is where I marveled at the glory, the detail, the splendor, in a whole new way. Every artist knows it well. That moment when you know you have to be part of something or you just might die. I knew then that I wanted to be part of capturing the glory. I wanted to put it in my pocket, saving it to show others and bring them along. “Look at this!” I want to say to everyone I meet. “Look at what creator God can do.” He spills out diamonds after the rain so we can remember that hope is always a morning away.

New Mercies Gleaming

I sympathize with David, who danced in his ephod in front of everyone. He had to worship, discarding anything that might hold him back. His own wife thought he was mad. I wonder if I am too sometimes. Walking around the woods in my pajamas and rain boots is not a new thing for me. (okay, I do it a lot)  I often forget myself when I see the beauty through my lens. It is worship for me as well. I see the attributes of God through creation, and hear his voice when I am in this place of awe. I am also humbled by creation which often worships him much more appropriately than I do. Everywhere I look, I see nature pointing back toward him. This earth knows its maker, and longs for all to be made new. Flowers, trees, grass, they all strain upward into his light and warmth. I feel this resonating in me as I walk, crawl and climb to catch a glimpse of his glory through my lens. I too long to gather his robe in my hands, to see his glory passing by.

I do not think it is a coincidence that I found my XT today, a camera I previously would have thought useless to me. I see God’s provision more clearly now through simplicity, after going without my bigger cameras for awhile. I don’t always have to have everything I think I need. God alone is my source, and I am incredibly grateful that He reminded me of that today when He took me back to the beginning.

Psalm 136:4-9 ~ “Thank the miracle-working God, His love never quits. The God whose skill formed the cosmos, His love never quits. The God who laid out earth on ocean foundations, His love never quits. The God who filled the skies with light, His love never quits. The sun to watch over the day, His love never quits. Moon and stars as guardians of the night, His love never quits. ” (Message Version)

Hope Gathers

Cupping Mercy

Refreshment

Colors and Intricacy

Working Her Magic

Pearls Suspended

In Worship

Sparkling Evergreen

Peaceful Surrender

Dancing

So Grown Up

This is what I was doing when my Canon 5D broke tonight. I was clicking away and then the viewfinder went black. I took off the lens to investigate and the mirror had slipped out of place. I knew immediately it was not something I could fix myself. With my Mark 2 in the shop already, I knew our session was over. Fortunately I captured some lovely images of my Katie-girl before it came apart in my hands. I did some reading about it on a couple sites, and evidently this is a known manufacturer issue and I am hoping Canon will fix it at no charge. I could blame it on her incredible beauty but that probably isn’t covered with Canon.

I have very much enjoyed my girls being home over Christmas break. Katie and I had a girls day out today and got our make up done. I don’t remember the last time I did that. I have to say it was good for us both. Just what we needed. Then we had a sweet photo session when we got home. She is leaving to go back to Wake Forest tomorrow and I wanted to capture her one more time before she left. Isn’t she lovely? The best part is that her heart shines just as beautifully. How did I get to be so blessed?

Sophistication

We also captured her with her guitar at sunset. I am so proud of my Katie. She has become quite the songwriter, like her dad.  She has an amazing song on the new Playchase Christmas album, called “Nothing I’d Rather Do”.(If you click on that link, don’t click on her name. It comes up with another artist. Just click to preview the song.) It is really beautiful. Makes me cry because she wrote it about her daddy and me

Here are a few of her at sunset with her guitar.

Lovely Katie

Sunshine and Melodies

Joy

Country Girl

Singing the Sun to Sleep

Freedom

Magic

Fly

With both camera bodies officially out of commission, it might be a little bit before I get to post again, but you can bet I will be back as soon as I get one in my hands. I miss this piece of sunshine on the internet.

Blessings everyone. Happy Monday.

Clouds on the Ground

January came in muted, head down, wearing a heavy coat of fog. Her clouds enveloped the light, quieting and cloaking it in a mist almost indiscernible. I cannot tell if this fogginess is inside or outside. It all seems hazy. Outside I strain to see the end of the road, but the clouds rush in and nothing seems clear. Inside there are important decisions to be made, but I do not know what to do. I feel an urgency  to move forward, but how and where to?

What do you do when you cannot find your way?

Quieting the Light

I have no choice but to wait. The fog seems to be symbolic of this season. Perhaps it is a gift and not a curse. I must wait. And while I am waiting, why not have a cup of tea? Read a book, call a friend? Pray?

Breathe.

It’s okay to wait and trust the One who knows what lies on the other side of the mist. I have a feeling I will have plenty to do when the light shines again.

Time to Meander

Sometimes the best magic happens while we are waiting. How did I get confused into believing again that it was about what I could do? I repent and rest.

Rest.

Could it be that He is in the very clouds that I feel are holding me back? Perhaps He is not holding me back at all.

He is just holding me.

Psalm 62:5 ~”Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.”

Winter Tree in the Mist

Waiting for Clarity

Finding their Way

Light for my Path

A Light Burning

Last Day

Canon 5D Mark ll, 24-70 2.8 L, 6.3 aperture, 10 second shutter with a tripod, 320 ISO

We had a good time shooting this image with Katie, Annie and her sweet friend Kate all helping. (Even though we had a few mishaps.)  A couple times they got the numbers backwards and the sparklers wouldn’t light or they would go out too soon. It was a challenge, but we got it!

Here are a few outtakes below

Hmmmm

Nope

Let's Just Dance Around Kate

Often is it easier to commit to something than to actually do it. That has been my experience during this 365 project. I am delighted to finally complete this journey. There were moments I was sure I could not do it, but I have finished at last!

It has been both difficult and rewarding on many levels. I know my husband will be grateful I am wrapping it up, so he can see me again in the late evening hours. It has taken hours of my life to process photos, choose them, and then actually write something coherent and somewhat meaningful here on this blog night after night. Yes, I am grateful too. But although it has been a trying task, I am so thankful for how it has pushed me to become better, dig deeper and find more resolve than I thought I had. Most nights I know I crossed over my own limits and found strength that only God could give to complete another post. He met me, time after time, giving me beautiful images to capture and then the thoughts to share about them. I never intended to write about my images. I was just going to post photos, like most 365 projects I have seen. I discovered that I love to write as well and I enjoyed developing that passion during this project. You never know where God will lead you when you embark on a new journey.

I think my favorite part of this year has been the people I have gotten to meet, either by photographing them ( “Hi, can I photograph you for my project I am working on?” so scary) or the ones that have become so dear to me and part of my life by reading my humble posts and emailing me or commenting on the blog. I am so grateful that by opening myself here, I have gained friendships that I would not have had otherwise. I love all of you! Thank you for being part of my little world here.

This year, you embarked on a journey with me.

From that very first day, where I jumped in, and some of you decided to come along. Thank you. I shared some secrets that have helped my marriage shine, on many occasions. I tried my best to show you my best view of hope, and hope in the midst of darkness. Always  hope.

I photographed my kids a lot. With their faces painted, riding dirt bikes, drumming with paint, and getting sprayed with water. And so much more. They are good sports. How I love my Katie, Annie, and Johnny.

I talked about my husband, as farmer, musician, and told our love story.  He is my best friend, and my partner for life.

Oh, I could go on. The flowers, (too many to link!), the sunsets,  bubbles, and water drops. I took you with me to Nashville, Indiana and Oxford, England.   These are just to name a few.

Thank you for being part of my journey. Thankfully it doesn’t end here. I do not intend to stop blogging. Probably just not every day.

I am excited to see what God has for 2012! He is so good!  I have put together a calendar from this year’s project. If you are interested, you may purchase it here, or by clinking the link in the header that says Calendar.:)

In addition, I have posted the images from this year on a Flickr Set, where you can view them all at once.

Blessings my wonderful friends. See you very soon.

~Mary Anne

Ephesians 1:16-19 ~”I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,  and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”

Bokeh Melodies

Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 1.2L, 1.2 aperture, 1/40 shutter speed, 500 ISO

Everyone has gone to bed. The house is quiet as I walk into the room where our Christmas tree still stands with all her lights shining. My chest tightens as I feel the weight of an ending coming into view. I begin to weep. I am not ready. I brush the soft needles of the frasier fir with my fingertips, as tears smear the lights into a dreamy blur.

It’s not the tree, I know this. It’s what it represents. Time moves on. Things come to an end. I reach up and touch Katie’s ballet slipper ornament. Each one holds a memory, each put on by the hands of those I love most.

I want to hold it somehow, but I can’t. Ornaments have to be put away. Children have to pack their bags and go back to school. Just when I got used to the laughter, the singing, the clinking of dishes in the kitchen and the slam of the mudroom door. I will miss the chatter upstairs of sisters sharing stories, and songs being written on the sofa in the light of this tree.

I am not ready for this ending. Tomorrow we will pack up decorations and discuss plans for a new season. I will write my last post on this 365 project. Time to move forward. I let the remaining tears I have been unknowingly storing up fall onto flannel pajamas and open hands.

I turn off the switch and the tree fades into the darkness. It is time to be brave and trust the One who turns the seasons with His gentle and strong hands.

For what are endings except the edges of  new beginnings?

Psalm 33:20-22 ~”We wait in hope for the LORD;  he is our help and our shield.  In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.”

Happy New Year!

Canon 5D Mark ll, 24-70 2.8L, 55 focal length, 6.3 aperture, 1/80 shutter, 100 ISO, Alien B800 to to camera left at 1/16 power with large soft box. An additional B800 was used in the back at camera right at 1/32 power.

Cowboy wanted to see his public one more time on my 365 project before it is over, so I told him he could help me bring in the new year. He heard that many of you are requesting a calendar of just him and he is very flattered. He says he will be happy to help with that if I need him. I said I would let him know. If it involves pizza crust, he is definitely in.

Cowboy is simply the best dog model ever. I think he would do just about anything for me. He gets excited when he sees me setting up the studio. He just seems to know that I need him, and his golden retriever-loyalty takes over. Love him.

I pray for a blessed and wonderful 2012 for all of you. May you come to know the God who loves you so deeply a little more each day. May you discover the beauty in your life, and stir up gratitude daily until it soaks you in contentment and joy. May you receive countless blessings from the Father of Lights who delights in sowing desires into your heart, just so He can meet them. May you awaken to warm light, sleep under bright stars, walk with those you love, and discover deeper colors than you have ever known. May the kisses of God light upon your face until you radiate His love to the world.

You have all been such a blessing to me. Happy New Year from Cowboy and me.

Psalm 126:2 ~Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, ‘The LORD has done great things for them.’ The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”

Cowboy's Serious Face

It's Time to Celebrate

This is Cowboy's Cute Face

Even Cuter

But Cowboy Getting Tired

Cowboy Can't Stay Up

Cowboy Done Now

Dancing into the Sky

Canon 5D Mark ll, 16-35 2.8L, 2.8 aperture,  19 mm focal length, 1/160 shutter alien B800 bare bulb at 1/8 power

I owe this very challenging project a great debt for teaching me some wonderful things this year. On many occasions, I have had to step outside of my comfort zone to complete my goal for the day. Driven to find the magic, I could not settle for mediocrity. If I didn’t know how to do something I have looked it up, or experimented until I got the effect I wanted. Gratefully, the old barriers that would stop me in my tracks in the past are no longer as formidable to me now. However, the worst (and best) part about that is, new barriers arise when old ones fall. This is called growth. It is often scary and painful, but so worth it. The colors of life grow richer and deeper as I continue to take risks.

I am learning to look fear in the face and move forward. It is a process, sometimes excruciatingly slow, but I am still moving forward.

When speaking with a younger photographer the other day, I encouraged him to never be afraid to experiment with lighting or angles when working with people. They can be intimidating sometimes, but they are just people. The truth is, they win when we take our time to find the magic. The magic presents itself in each of us uniquely. Only we know when we find it. If we skip over the process to cater to the desires of others, not only do we lose, the whole world loses. The magic in you was meant to be shared. It is God’s gift to the world. He will help you find it, craft it, and send it out into the earth.

Wait for the magic. Seek it like treasure. Experiment and work until it is in your hands. Don’t be afraid and don’t give up.

Tonight was a perfect example of this process. This being the last week of my 365 Project, I am feeling a little depleted. As the sun began to set, I knew my time was running out for any daylight shots. I have been sick this week and staying up late to finish my work. Katie, knowing my dilemma, sweetly volunteered to model for me. We headed out to the pasture where we could see the best view of the sunset. I did get the one shot above, which I loved, but I wanted something more. I just didn’t know what. I had the idea to pull the car around and shine the headlights behind her straight into my lens, while continuing to use my studio light. I had to shine a flashlight to find her face as the light was fading fast. The images below are the result. I think we found a bit of magic. Grateful for God’s provision once again, my heart can rest.

It’s a good feeling. Magic.

Ephesians 1:18,19 ~” I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”

Seeing the Light

Beauty and Flare

The Stars Lining Up

She who is Katie

Happy

Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 1.2L 2.8 aperture, 1/320 shutter 100 ISO

It was such a joy spending the afternoon with these two lovebirds, Anna and Adam. I have known Anna since she was three. Chris and I were in her parents’ small group when Katie was born. We have kept in touch with her family over time and she has commented often on my 365 project this year, although she is living in Louisiana. She contacted me last month and informed me that she and Adam would be moving to Korea after Christmas and asked if I would be willing to photograph them before they left. She wanted to be photographed in her wedding dress since she will not be taking it with her. She said she didn’t mind getting it dirty and mentioned horses, and that was all I needed to know. I knew we would have some fun. They have been married two years, but they still act like they just got married yesterday. They were so sweet together.

My girls both assisted me on this shoot and it was fun for all of us. We even got out the the rain-maker in 50 degree weather! They were brave souls. We had horses, old books, beautiful sun flare, feathers flying in the air, and rain falling from a tree. Oh, and an amazingly sweet couple. Sounds like perfection to me.

Blessings, Adam and Anna. We wish you well on your new adventure together. May the Lord bless you keep you. Thanks for spending the day with us and helping me log another day onto my 365 project with your sweetness.

Numbers 6:24-26 ~” The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;  the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.

Sharing Interests

All Day with You

Focused on Her

Embrace

Perfect

No Place to Go

Surprises on both Sides

Horsey Hug

Pure

Horse Girl

Beauty

Carefree

Spontaneous

Dance

Fire and Ice

Behind the Veil

Canon 5D Mark ll, 100 2.8 macro, 2.8 aperture, 1/125 shutter, 100 ISO

*This post is dedicated to my friend Mia. She loves tulips because they remind her of growing up in Sweden with her mother, who would set out bouquets of them every Christmas. These are for you, sweet Mia.

I fell in love with these lovely white tulips at my local grocery store this week and brought them home with my 365 project in mind. I wanted to photograph their softness. They have such an ethereal quality.  Most of my photos are bright and bold, and I felt a little intimidated about truly capturing the sweetness of these flowers. Still, I wanted to try. I see a lot of amazing soft photography on pinterest but I don’t see that quality in my own work. So, in an effort to stretch myself, I decided to try something a little different with these lovelies.

Aren’t they simply wonderful? Their delicate, almost-sheer petals fascinate me, looking like a veil between earth and eternity. I see my Creator God here, his strength and glory revealed in the fragility of a flower. Even the flowers know how to worship, bowing their heads under the weight of his glory.

I want to be more like them. Frail, and yet made perfect in the hands of my Creator.

Ecclesiastes 3:11~”He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Falling in Worship

Singular Beauty

Trust

Ethereal Beauties

Delicate Shadow

Bathed in Winter Light

Dreaming of Spring

Weight of Glory

Suiting Up

Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 1.2L, 3.5 aperture, 1/60 shutter speed, 160 ISO

This post is for anyone who is finding themselves on a difficult journey. Some days you may feel like you won’t survive it, or that you just want to quit because you are so tired.

You can do it. 

This being the last week of a 365 project, I am feeling like I just may make it now. There has been a lot of crying, some anger, deep frustration, and much fatigue as I have bumped into the edge of myself again and again. There are has also been joy, a sense of accomplishment, a new awareness of what I can do, new friendships and relationships made, and higher levels of learning and vision for my craft.

I am grateful for this project, mostly because I have learned that I can finish something difficult. I will, however, give props where they are due. I am quite sure I could not have gotten past the first week without the encouragement and support of my family and the relationships I have developed through this blog. I cannot count how many times I have gotten an encouraging email or comment from someone at just the right time saying, ” Keep going, you can do this!”  Encouragement is a powerful force. And so, I want to thank every single person who has ever commented, on or off my blog to me and encouraged me to keep going. What seemed like a silly project became a powerful lesson in perseverance and digging deeper within myself to stay on course. Thank you, all of you, for being part of that.

You do not have to be doing a 365 project to be in the middle of a difficult  journey, however. Truthfully, the places in which many of you are walking may be much more exasperating than a blog project. However, the lessons I have learned during this short (and also very long) year apply to many circumstances. I would like to share a few.

Eye on the Prize

1. First of all, place whatever it is in God’s hands. He alone holds all things, and He will be your help and your strength. Pray and ask Him for his help.  In His kindness towards me He has shown me beauty in unexpected places over and over again, when I had absolutely nothing. He cares about the details of your life too. Every single one of them.
2. Take it one step at a time. You do not have to finish the entire goal on today’s provision.  He will give you what you need for each step of the way. I cannot count the times I found fresh manna and new mercies every day.
3. Keep walking. Do not quit. Pray, and keep walking. Put one foot in front of the other.
4. Receive the encouragement of others. I strongly encourage community and letting others help you. We were not meant to walk this life alone. You might have to reach out to find friendships. Don’t let pride keep you from finding relationship and community.
5. Pile up rocks. This is what the people of God did when they wanted to remember the things God had done for them. They would pile up stones in a place where He moved on their behalf, so they could come back to that place and tell their children about the his mighty wonders. We do not have to do this literally, but finding ways to remember and be grateful is good for our hearts and encourages us that God is with us. Sometimes my images can be like this for me. I can go back and say, “I remember when God showed me that when I was at the end of myself.”
6. Finally, keep your eye on the prize. Don’t forget your goal and where you are headed. You will go where you set your gaze. Keep your eyes fixed on your goal.  I love this song by Sara Groves. It will encourage you if you can take the time to listen to it.

And now, to the finish line!

Where Intention Meets Action

Finding New Levels

Finish Line Ahead

James 1:2-5 ~”Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”