365 Project 2017

Day 36 For the Dark Days

February 6, 2017

Sitting in the Light

Today was a dark day. You know the kind? Everything felt heavy and hard. In fact, there has been a string of those since my mama died suddenly just over a year ago. I am also still recovering from the withdrawal of benzodiazepines, even though I have been off them for three months. Sometimes I cannot string my thoughts together enough to make sense to anyone else.

The truth is? We are all hurting from some sort of grief or pain. This world is fallen and waiting to be healed. Nearly every time I share about my pain, someone reaches out to me and says “yes me too.” I am grateful for their vulnerability.

When the light poured into the kitchen this afternoon and pooled onto the floor I laid myself down there, letting it bathe me in warmth. Yes, I laid on my kitchen floor. Sometimes we just have to stop and surrender. It was there that I sensed his presence. I wasn’t trying to fix anything. I wasn’t running from the hurt in my heart through distraction. I was just there, resting in the light God had provided.

God is never far away. In fact, he is with us. He is Immanuel. He is not only in the light, he is in the darkness. He is with us in our pain and sadness. He is with me curled up on that kitchen floor as I wait for healing. Sometimes it is just okay to say, “Hey this hurts. God will you sit with me?”  And he does.

Everything is more bearable in the company of the One who loves us completely. He does not judge us for hurting. How he loves us, the broken ones. He rushes in to be close to us.

Psalm 139:11,12 ~”If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

Psalm 34:18~” The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

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1 Comment

  • Reply Claire Willis February 6, 2017 at 8:39 am

    Dear Mrs. Mary Anne,
    I have been in a similar place: I had to take a year off of classes because of the withdrawal effects and long lasting effects of these medicines. I have also laid on the floor many times. Please do not beat yourself up because it is SO hard. Thank you for your vulnerability, and though I’ve never met you, I love your heart. “Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story–those He redeemed from the hand of the foe.” (Ps. 107:2).
    Thank you, Claire

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