365 project 2016

Day 88 Fragile

March 31, 2016


See this little dandelion, half torn, half scattered? It can feel like this, walking through grief. It can be such a delicate, tenuous process.

In a moment I can be undone. My insides show through to the outside, revealing the brokenness within.

I admit I often try to fly above the pain. I don’t want to think about her gone. I push the memories of her last hours with us away. I forgive the hospital staff again for overlooking her condition and neglecting her. I forgive myself for not doing something about it. I hush my heart when it cries for her voice on the other end of the phone. Oh the ache.

Shhhhh, she’s gone.

But I can’t hush it away. I have to allow the winds of grief to come and blow through. My broken pieces cannot hold onto the stem any longer. And so I fall into the wind and I weep. It’s okay to cry you know? It’s okay to hurt. Love is worth the pain of a broken heart. My mama is worth every tear and my God bottles them, one by one. Yes, let the tears go.

Every tear is a seed that will someday bear the fruit of joy. Think of that. That is the stuff the kingdom of God is made of. Redemption.

Psalm 126:5,6 ~”Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”

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1 Comment

  • Reply CarolS. April 1, 2016 at 5:44 am

    If I were THERE with you I’d give you a HUG to help the tears flow. Praying for you.


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