365 Project Day 245: Closing Out a Season

Creativity and Learning

Canon 5D Mark ll, 100mm 2.8 macro, 4.5 aperture, 1/200 shutter, 320 ISO

I never thought I would be a homeschool mom. It wasn’t something I aspired to be. I knew several moms who homeschooled their kids in the church we were attending, but I never thought I would be one of them. Then Katie turned five and it was time for her to get on a bus and be gone for seven hours, five days a week. At that time, Chris was working full time selling cars, and also volunteering as a worship leader on the weekends. His day off was during the week, and he didn’t get home most nights until late. I knew if I sent Katie off on a school bus, she wouldn’t see her daddy very much. I prayed about it and got advice from some of the moms at our church. It was an easy decision to keep her home, at least for the first year, to give us more time. Thirteen years later, she graduated from homeschool and went to college. Annie and Johnny followed soon after.

I always said I would take it year by year, never committing myself to homeschool them for their entire education. I prayed about it every summer, asking God if we should do it for another year.  Chris’ parents were both teachers, as were my dad and my stepmother. Needless to say, I got some push back from my family. No one had ever done this in our family before. It seemed to them like I was being careless with my kids lives. But I knew in my heart I was being as careful as I could be. I knew that I couldn’t do it alone, and often likened myself to the widow with the jars of oil. I knew God would not let the oil run out as long as I was doing what He asked.

Her Wish List

My internal vision statement was that I wanted “to make a difference for my kids for eternity.”  I am not saying that people have to homeschool to raise children who are Christ followers. It is what I believed that God had for us, and I felt compelled to follow through. If you know me, you might recall that I have never really pushed homeschooling on anyone, or publicly made a case for it. I never wanted to make anyone feel like there was only one way to raise kids. It was just our way, the way God gave us to do it. As I quietly close out this season of our lives, I am so glad we did. I have so many precious memories with my children that I may not have had if they were in school somewhere. And, I am deeply proud of my kids. Although we never pushed their education as our top priority, they are all brilliant kids. We wanted them to be whole, emotionally and spiritually, seasoned with character, and happy. This was my hope for my kids as I kept them out of the tides that pulled out every fall, as the rest of the world headed to the school system. Yes, they felt cheated sometimes, and often felt like they weren’t like everyone else. Truthfully, they weren’t, and I am so glad. We didn’t have to keep up with clothing fads, get up at the crack of dawn, or feel rushed. Ever. We stayed up late, went on vacations when everyone else was behind a desk, and spent hours painting and playing music. It was good. Not perfect, but good.

Classics

Katie's Kitty Painting

Annie's Early Poetry

Johnny's Bow and Arrows

It didn’t all go as smoothly as I would have liked, but we got through, together. There are definite gaps, like when I lost a baby in 2006, and they had to fend for themselves a bit as I walked the paths of darkness. It was a marking point for us as a family, though. We learned to talk to one another better, and fight for each other. It deepened our compassion for others. I am sad that my kids had to go through that season, but grateful for what God wove into them through the pain. Strands of brilliance that will never be diminished. Eternal and beautiful, woven by the hands of God himself.

Artist in the Making

I ponder all these things, as I watch this season close out. It seems like I have always been a homeschool mom, and now, I am not. I wonder about my identity and what the next season holds. My heart yearns for days gathered round the kitchen table, hands buried in tempura paint, the smoothness of it running over  into new masterpieces. How I loved reading to them every night. I still have all the books. I loved being asked to “read another one.” I could have stayed there all night, their eyes and ears focused as I told the stories in all the voices of the characters. This was really homeschooling. Just being a mom, an educator, a cook, an artist, someone who laughs at their jokes, and applauds their brilliance. I have loved them with everything I know, and then God filled in all the places when I fell short.

I am grateful for the old season, and bid it farewell with a brave heart. Yes, I am sad, but I know this is not the end of my purposes on the earth. I have sent out my arrows, brilliant and sharp.

Now what, Father? I am eager to see what is next.

How They Shine

Psalm 127:3-5 ~ “Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”