Mary Anne Morgan Blog

There has been so much going on in my world just in the past week, but I would be negligent if I did not blog the result of  ”Operation Jewelry Organization”. My fabulous mom came out last week and we spent four hours taking a mass of necklaces, earrings, rings, pins, bracelets and anklets and putting them all in their proper place. The results are fabulous! I not only thoroughly enjoyed spending quality time with my mom, but I got the benefit of having a clean and clear dresser top. I can now freely pass by it without hearing mean comments about myself, and I even hear an audible sigh of relief every now and then. I promised myself when she came out that I would ONLY focus on the jewelry that day. I am glad I did. One step at a time. (I am pretty sure my closet is next).

Mom and I spent time reminiscing about old pieces and laughing about pieces I have kept just for sentimental reasons, all the while both agreeing that they were, mmm, how should I say? Unsightly. “Um,” she would say every now and then,” I think I would throw that away”. And we both would laugh out loud. So cleansing to have your mom’s approval to throw something away!  It was good on so many levels. We ended up with a pretty good size bag of things to take to the jewelry swap at her church as well.

I am truly beginning to see that organizing your world around you is a way to love yourself. I cannot explain that fully, and those that are already organized are probably nodding their heads in agreement. Those of us that struggle in this area often feel defeated. I am so thankful for my mom who was willing to the time to help me, while putting aside all judgement or critical statements. I feel loved every time I walk past my dresser now. I can now display the things that matter to me most, like the anniversary heart Chris gave me. Thanks mom.

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No, I didn’t find a treasure chest buried on my farm, even though this looks like the classic pirate’s booty you see in adventure movies. This.. is my dresser top. Okay, before you start making all kinds of rash (but probably true) judgements about me and my lack of orderliness, just know that it doesn’t always look this bad.

You see, my dresser top is a source of contention for me, every day. Every day of my life, I walk past that dresser top with things strewn everywhere. Usually it is the jewelry items I have worn in the past week (or month), my camera, picture frames that I hate but still keep, a spool of thread and a needle for mending buttons, important receipts, props from my last shoot, and dust, oh the dust. My heart cringes every time I see it, no matter what form it is in, and I think a few not-so-nice things about myself and go on with my day, feeling defeated before I have even started. Organization is my weakest character quality, and it is especially hard when I grew up with a super organized mother and sister. My artistic flair took me in other directions, and most of my life, I have dreaded even trying for fear of failure.
So, last night, I took every single item out of my jewelry box and drawers and decided to start there. I don’t think I have thrown one item of jewelry away since I was a little girl. It was actually a very nostalgic experience looking at things that were my mother’s or grandmother’s. It was also a little like Christmas seeing things I had packed away (for lack of knowing what to do with them), that I had forgotten I had. About two hours later, ( yes, two hours) this is what I had for a dresser top.

It was actually worse than this, but this is as vulnerable as I can get right now, okay? Immediately I did what any normal girl would do. I called my mother. “I need your help” I pleaded. Before I got two sentences in, she had devised a plan and a day to implement it. That’s my wonderful mom to the rescue! “Just leave it all on top like that”, she said, ” and we will have a fun day putting it all where it is supposed to go”. She even had a plan for the unwanted pieces with a church swap that is coming up for the ladies.

I will let you know how it goes! I think this is the beginning of a whole new world for me. Starting with my dresser top.

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We don’t get much snow here in Georgia. Last year we got one day’s worth, and it was so magical. I felt like a little girl on that day. Then, as if someone shook the etch a sketch, it was all gone the very next day. We have had some false alarms this year, so when the weather man said it would snow on Friday, I was more than a little cynical (mostly because I wanted it so badly). However, much to my surprise, we got a great snowfall, and enough to play in too. It was a wonderful Valentine weekend surprise.

I took some photos while it was snowing on Friday afternoon, and then again Saturday morning when the sky was cerulean blue. I found my heart overwhelmed by the dramatic scenery. I asked God to help me to capture it if possible, but more than that, to breathe it in and enjoy it. I have often felt jealous of other photographers who get to travel and photograph beautiful scenery in faraway places. To quote photography icon and author Joe McNally from his book The Moment it Clicks,  ” If you want to be a better photographer, stand in front of more interesting stuff “. I love that quote. The bottom line is that capturing God’s creation is at the center of my joy in photography, and I want to see more!

However, I felt thankful Saturday morning as I walked in the glory, that I had not (up until this present time) been a world traveler. I found my heart could not contain the splendor I found in my own backyard. I felt so small and incompetent as I fumbled through my bag, disapproving of each of my lens choices as soon as I placed them on the camera body.   It was a humbling experience, as I once again offered up my heart, and my camera to God,  and I laid down my need to perform for the approval of others. That is something we artists have to do on a daily, or even hourly basis. Anyway, this is what came of my time in the glory. Thankful for my own piece of  ”faraway” that God gave me this weekend just out my back door.

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Today was a hard day. With Valentine’s Day only a couple days away, I am feeling even more deeply the absence of my older two children. With one daughter studying abroad in Spain and another away at a school in Atlanta, I have only my almost seventeen year old son at home. I know Valentine’s Day  is supposed to be a sweetheart day, and if my husband were away, I most assuredly would be complaining about his being gone as well. For now, it is my girls. We girls just love Valentine’s Day. Let’s face it. It is our day. I have received more Valentine’s gifts from my friends, sisters, and mom in my lifetime than I ever have from a sweetheart. We just seem to know that our hearts need it. We love surprises, and being thought of in general, and Valentine’s Day seems to bring that home. But, my girls are in faraway places, so I decided to try some Valentine cookie therapy on my own. I posted that idea on facebook, and almost immediately got a couple great recipes to try from friends. So I did. I think it was helpful, playing the John Mayer genre on Pandora, and dancing in my kitchen.

Making a big mess in the kitchen, even when you are alone, is still very therapeutic, especially when it involves lots of powdered sugar and pink icing. I decided to post a few pics from my therapy session. I still miss my girls, and I realize that eventually I am going to have to come to terms with this new phase of my life. Yes, in time, I guess I will. Hopefully, it won’t be one cookie at a time.  That might bring on a whole new set of problems.:)

I am including a few other heart images I have captured this week as I am learning to play more and more.

Happy Valentines Day everyone.

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The month of February is upon us again.  I have often found it to be the dreariest month of the year. So much rain, so much cold. Even now as I write, the wind is howling at my windows, and I am forced to bundle up as I sit at my kitchen table. We have already endured one of the coldest Januaries on record for Georgia,(we are a bit wimpy when it comes to freezing temperatures), and we still have February and March to go. My heart sinks at the thought. I am not a winter fan. Days tend to drag on and I feel sluggish and really kind of useless.

It has been on my mind a lot lately, how I wish this season would just pass and be done already. As I wished for spring’s warmth, I felt a slight correction in my spirit  to just “let winter be winter”. I wasn’t sure what that meant.  I felt it when I passed by the weeping cherry tree on my way back from the barn last week, and saw it’s bony branches dragging against the unforgiving ground. It looked like a true picture of grief, with it’s limbs swaying back and forth like one in profound mourning. The symbolism struck me deeply. “Let winter be winter”. There is so much that happens when the earth is cold and still. There is rest, there is a true rekindling, and there is death. However, it is not an unfruitful or purposeless death.  I am reminded of the scripture in John 12 where Jesus says, “I tell you the truth, that unless at kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”   That same tree in the spring will be larger than it was the season before, because of winter.

As much as I protest, like a child refusing her afternoon nap, I need winter. I would absolutely burn myself out without it. I need time to be still. I need to be made to read books in quiet fire lit places, and blog on afternoons like this when it is way too cold to even go outside , much less photograph a family. I need to take naps and drink tea, and make dinner for my husband when he comes home from a long day. I need to pray, and listen to my God.

As I mused on these things one frosty morning last week, I set out with my camera and tried to capture some winter beauty. Winter light really is quite beautiful, as is the frost on the delicate leaves in the morning. I hope you enjoy these winter images. And, I hope you appreciate your winter.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 ” There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:”

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I met Salena  almost three years ago when she interviewed to be part of the dance ministry at 12Stone Church. We arranged to meet at the local Starbucks and I had not yet seen her in person but only communicated with her via email. When she walked in the door, I was taken with her sense of fashion and how put together she seemed. She was donning a sleek creme trench coat she had purchased while on a trip to London with her husband, Sean.  We hit it off right away. I found her easy to talk to and her laughter and heart for God contagious. I had not yet seen her dance, but I felt sure if she could dance even a little,  she would be a great addition to the wonderful team of girls I lead.  My intuition was right, and she soon became a team favorite, always keeping everyone laughing, and her dancing was so elegant and strong.

Now, she and her husband Sean are expecting their first baby. I was so excited when she asked me to do her maternity photos. I knew it would be fun. Salena and Sean love style so much it is their baby girl’s middle name. So, of course, we couldn’t do a typical maternity shoot for this fashionista.

See if you agree!

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Annie and I had SO much fun shooting Cory and Cami’s engagement photos at Piedmont Park last weekend. Before the shoot, we did some dreaming about what they wanted to do and what they loved. Eventually, we landed on the whole idea of doing a vintage shoot. I was so excited as that was something I have really wanting to try.  It was something we did at Love Affair this last fall. ( wow did I LOVE that workshop!) I had been wanting to try some new things but hadn’t had any real takers with my couples. Then came Cory and Cami! I love this couple! They are so fun and enjoy each other and life so much. This is part of what makes my life so enjoyable. Working with wonderful people who so openly and comfortably love one another.

I never had to pose them. We just gave them a few props and let them go. They did  the rest.

I pray many blessings on this beautiful and sweet couple and am so thankful I get to shoot their upcoming wedding in March.

Enjoy their sweet pictures~

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In the past month I have sent two daughters away to far away countries. First, Annie to Africa for a mission trip, and now Katie to Spain to study abroad for three months.

It feels like my heart has been pulled from my body. Hmm, maybe pulled isn’t the right verb. What is the right verb? Maybe the verb you would use to describe when removing gum from your shoe, or Silly Putty from the carpet. Ripped. Yeah, that’s better. Webster describes ripped as “an act of tearing something forcibly.” Other synonyms are “tear, wrench, wrest, pull, snatch, tug, pry,heave, drag, peel, pluck; informal yank.” Yes, that is it. Ripped. I think you get it. The feeling is very physical, and unsolicited.

These are the passages that  I have heard other mothers talk about. Letting your kids go, after years of, holding them close,  buying prom dresses, listening to them and stroking their hair, crying with them, praying over them in their beds, reading to them at night, finger painting, baking and decorating cupcakes, wishing they would potty train already, helping them pull that first tooth, keeping fevers down, watching them sleep. Oh, it goes on and on, the things we mothers do, just because our hearts will not allow us to do anything else.

So odd to me, I don’t remember much about my life before I was a mother. I do remember I was one of those people. You know the ones who talk about other people who bring their kids into nice restaurants and let them fuss and cry. Can you believe it?  I , at the ripe old age of 20, didn’t even have kids on my radar, much less in my plans. When my very new husband and I conceived, I was 21 and he was 25. We were clueless as to what was about to happen to us.

Then, it happened. I am not sure when it started. Maybe, it was at the beginning, when I went on a walk one night and I felt God spoke to me about her, that she was a she, and that she was mine, before I even bought a test kit. I ran home and wrote her a poem. Then I called my husband who was away on a trip. (he nearly fainted. We had only been married a month). Or maybe  it was when she would get the hiccups during my pregnancy, and I instinctively  placed my hand on my belly to comfort her. Maybe it was the vulnerability I felt mingled with fierce protection in the middle of the night.

I think it was most definitely the moment I first saw her black hair after hours of the worst pain I have ever known. Everything else in the room when into shadow as I saw that baby girl for the first time. Chris still likes to quote my first words before they even had her cleaned up, motioning his arms and mimicking me as he quotes me,  ” Give me my baby!”. When they laid her on my chest, I was at peace, and I knew we were meant to be together.

A new vulnerability crept in though, as I realized I could no longer keep her safe in my womb. There was a whole world out there that could hurt her, make her sick, or worst of all, take her away. These feelings were very real.  A good friend gave me a card at that time that said exactly how I felt. ” Having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body”. Nothing could have expressed it better.

I realize now, that when I became a mom, God gave me some of His best qualities, and let me experience in the most intimate way a huge part of  who He is. As a mom I could now relate to a God who is fiercely protective, tender beyond expression, and doesn’t mind giving up His best for His children. He stays with us through the night, listens to us, hurts for us and with us, and thankfully better than our earthly mothers, He is with us always and can heal us completely.

I would not trade this journey into motherhood for anything, even with all the pain I have known along the way, and for the pain I am experiencing now. In fact, I highly recommend it. As I close out this blog, I am reminded of one of my favorite scriptures from Isaiah.

“But Zion said, ‘ The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.’ Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” ~ Isaiah 49 :14-16

Enjoy the photos from some of our most recent moments with our family and Katie girl.

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